You’re supportive of your friends, cheering on their successes, basking in their glow and this is great, but are you a “default supporter?”
I’ve been observing this recently as a person that is surrounded by accomplished friends and while you’re a big cheerleader for them, there’s a part of you that deep down knows instead of being in a supporter role, you could be a main attraction.
How I know this to be true, I used to be a Default Supporter. When starting my business, I would be in awe of those successful in business. I had the desire to one day be like them, but it led to a lot of self-doubt. I would place them on a pedestal, they were so amazing, I was both inspired and jealous of their ability to take action, to make their dreams come true.
During this process, the thought that I could one day be at their level seemed impossible and so my self-confidence eroded. It led to procrastination, many plans and great ideas, but no action.
Instead of an entrepreneur, I was a wantrapreneur. I’d attend the events, connect with the people thatI wanted to be like, but it was more focused on wanting to “be seen” so that I could convince myself that I was taking steps forward…it was a lie of the worst kind, a lie to myself.
I wrote this article with the hope that you may identify if you are a Default Supporter, if so, it could be similar to that moment I had to look in the mirror and call myself out for being one. Great clarity comes from this, as you become honest with yourself, you gain control.
This is control to take action and make a new course for your life. When you do this, you gain the freedom to be true to yourself and that is liberating.
A few characteristics of the Default Supporter:
-Many ideas of what they could achieve and encouraged by friends to “go for it” but they don’t
-Qualified in their field from a skills perspective, but playing a smaller role than possible
-High potential, especially if they were an entrepreneur, they could be excellent and make a big impact
-Supportive friends asking them why “they’re playing small?” They will give some rationalizaton
-They take great pride in knowing all the “behind the scenes info” of their successful friends
-When you question their successful friends actions/character, they’ll say “you just don’t really know them…when you really know them, they’re not like that at all.”
-They relish in being at all the big events, connecting with major players and building their network for the “some day” when they will take action on their plan.
*Celebrating their friends successes. Both in person and on social media.
They are happy for their friends, yes, but is there some jealousy at a deeper level, yes. They take great satisfaction in the association with those that have accomplished what they desire to do, but it’s coming from a place of false validation as in “I belong to the group of action takers, so therefore, I’m one of them.”
Unfortunately, no, you are not. At a deeper level you’re doing it from a place of wanting to fit in and while you may take pride and appreciate being the supporter, to truly be in this club, there is only one way and that is to step up, get off the sidelines, and launch your own venture.
*They shower others with praise. They’ll tell people they admire that are going for it “You’re so inspiring.” Is this person inspiring yes, but there’s a tinge of jealousy as it’s more realistically:
“you’re so inspiring, and I’m a bit jealous that you’re doing what I want to, but am afraid to take the first step.”
*They won’t commit. Period. They will have a million ideas of what they could do, will get motivated, try it for 1-2 weeks, then instead of pushing through, their interest fades, other ideas come in, and they add it to their list of projects they “will do one day.” One day, some day, next month…it doesn’t matter or exist, you either do it or you don’t and the Default Supporter won’t.
*Noncommittal in social events. You will get responses like “I may be able to make it” “that might work out” “let’s play it by ear” “I’ll get back to you.”
These are all tactics to delay having to make a decision. As they are ruled by the fear of missing out, so any decision is painful as they are constantly on the search for the “best possible option” and will hold out as long as possible. Unfortunately the usually end up not making any decision, so they miss out on all events and scramble at the last minute trying to get back in the good graces of the people they were being flaky with.
In the world we are moving towards, it’s specialization that will matter and give you the ability to have power. Pick something you like, commit to becoming great at it, worst case, it’s not as great as you thought it would be. Great, you’ve learned the ability to focus and achieve your goal. This is a transferable skill that you can take with you and apply to any role in the future as the formula for success in any field is straightforward. Decide, immerse yourself, stay committed, improve and gain your skills through experience.
Experience is tangible, nobody can take that away from you, that’s real.
-They are shrouded in insecurity and self-doubt.
-Often defaults from “the expert” syndrome where they look externally for qualifications/recognition to pursue their goal. The problem is they’re looking for “permission” from external sources. They will never het it because they’re in a paradox as they very permission they seek can only be given from themselves.
So they constantly struggle as they go from course to course, training to training, all in search for the permission to put themselves out there, but they will never get it until they go within and find what’s truly holding them back.
In their journey, because of their qualifications, they often find themselves in higher profile roles, leading teams, etc but although they have the capability, they never launch their own venture as it’s safer to support other people’s visions.
-They are building regrets. As each year passes and they focus their energy on their “amazing friends” they get older, their confidence in their ability to do it drops, and they regrets continue to build.
-In the long-run, they will either try to convince themselves that they were true to themselves or will build stories to tell you all about “what they could have done.”
If you’ve connected with this article and are interested in a shortcut to go from a “Default Supporter” to become the potential you know is possible, our training will make this happen, so this this link for info: Communicate With Confidence training